Break

I can't write about another heartbreak. I just can't.

This blog used to feel like a safe place for me, but it's not anymore. I'm taking an indefinite break.

I'm sorry that means no final installment of the Beauty School Project, but it was a stupid, pointless idea anyway. Who cares what you think of you, that's not important. What other people think of you is the only thing that really matters.

Sorry.

Help Haiti, they still need it.

Open Your Hearts and Your Wallets

I'm sure that, like me, you were all greatly saddened to hear of the devastating earthquake in Haiti. This earthquake would've been terrible anywhere, but Haiti is one of the poorest nations in the world, making this event even more catastrophic. Please keep the people of Haiti in your thoughts and prayers and please open your wallets! I know times are tough, but even $5 helps.

MSNBC put together a great list of organizations where you can easily donate: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34835478/ns/world_news-haiti_earthquake/?ns=world_news-americas

In Defense of Men

I may have discussed this before, but I absolutely hate it when women make, "all men," statements. You know what I'm talking about; "All men only want one thing," or, "All men are afraid of commitment," or when a friends lover behaves badly they say, "That's men for you." As far as I'm concerned, lumping all men in to one category is no better than making generalizations about people based on race or religion. Also, as I like to point out to these women, most of us know plenty of good men even if they are our relatives, friends or our friends significant others, so doesn't that disprove that, "all men are..."

Recently an acquaintance shared a theory with me. She is someone who believes that, "all men are [insert bitter, jaded adjective]." She told me that she believes that men are jerks because women get hurt all the time and eventually get over it; men, on the other hand, get hurt once and that's it, the walls are up and they will never be a good guy again.

Obviously I think that's ridiculous, I know many a great guy who has come through his share of heartbreaks, but it did get me thinking about something about how our society treats men post-breakup and that made me sad for men.

When women suffer a heartache we encourage them to cry it out and talk to others. We send our female friends encouraging notes, interesting self-help articles and words of wisdom. We regularly check in to see how they're doing and we encourage them to get back out there only when the time is right. With men it's a completely different story.

When men suffer a heartache they are expected to suck it up. They'd never be encouraged to talk about their feelings. There friends will gladly, and with all good intentions, take them out for a boys night, but they're unlikely to talk about real feelings. Can you imagine how hard that must be? Can you imagine ending a relationship and being given no resources to heal? That has to be rough.

So here's a shout out to all of the good men* out there; thanks for being awesome even when the world makes that a tough task!

*If you're a good guy reading this blog drop me an email, I know plenty of good girls all over the country from upstate NY to Minnesota to Utah. :-)

Beauty School: Part V

Happy New Year!!

I'm excited that my first post of 2010 is the fifth edition of the Beauty School Project. Can you believe that we only have one more month of this project? After I post the last installment, on February 3rd, I'm going to see if any of the wonderful ladies who participated in this project would like to guest post about there impressions of it and what it was like to participate.

I hope you all started this year out feeling beautiful. Usually I would never pick a favorite of these self-compliments, but I think that once you read these, you'll agree that Erin's is a standout!!

Lisa: I like my arms. They have gotten slender over the last year since I have been working out more. I can now wear a sleeveless dress and not feel self conscious!!

Jen: My legs not only get me from place to place, they are pretty fantastic looking as well. When I was heavier, I still always liked my calves and when I lost weight and could wear corduroys with out starting a fire I got really excited. Next to my eyes they get me the most compliments and provide me with a sense of confidence!

Kylie: I like my nose. It's not too big and not too small. I think it's just right for me!

Little Fish (that's me): I won the genetic lottery when it comes to cheekbones. Both of my parents have really high cheek bones which resulted in me having supermodel high cheek bones.

Mandy: One thing I really like about myself is how my face looks without makeup. Especially those moments after just washing my face, looking at myself in the mirror completely fresh faced and void of any makeup, its me in the very truest sense. I actually feel more beautiful right then.

Nora: As a young girl I spent a lot of my time in classical ballet training and as a result of the constant reminders about posture, I love my posture. I naturally stand up straight, shoulders back, stomach pulled in. It sounds totally silly but remembering to keep my posture strong makes me feel elegant and more ladylike.

Katie: I have amazing lips. They're the a beautiful color naturally and wonderfully full. The top lip has a beautiful little bow in it. They're probably one of my favorite features.

Auburn Kat: I love my scars, from the huge scar I have on my knee from a biking accident to the scar I have on my shin from celebrating the Bills actually winning and me subsequently slipping off the back porch when I was little to the scar I have on my foot from a crab biting my foot in the ocean. I can go on and on about the scars that I have and I love how they make me...me.

Stephanie: I have only one dimple, on the right side of my smile. The OCD part of my brain used to be annoyed that I didn't have matching dimples, but I've grown to love my asymmetrical grin. I think it makes me look clever and dashing.

Chickbug: My hair (with highlights, of course) is the perfect thickness and can easily be styled either straight or naturally curly. Ten minutes with a quick blow dry and hair straighter, I'm set for the day. Who can beat that?

Snoot757: So, I love my eyes! They are almond shape and their color can go from light brown to dark brown depending on the make-up I wear. And they are shaped exactly like my Dad's! So, if I pop in some blue contacts....they are identical to his! Kinda funny that I am the only one in the family that ended up with brown eyes and EVERYONE else got the "recessive" gene? hmmmmmmm

Erin: I now have a little pooch on my tummy. Ordinarily, this would be a source of self-loathing BUT since it is my baby getting bigger and bigger, I think it's BEAUTIFUL!!!

Thank you once again to all of the BEAUTIFUL women who continue to participate in this project.

I Need A Net

Recently I've had two things that I'd considered some of my mental and emotional safety nets pulled out from under me. It's not nearly as bad as it sounds, I'm actually pretty OK with it. What does make me anxious though is what seems to be the loss of one of my most sacred safety nets; this blog.

I admit that I made mistakes when starting this blog. I should've kept it quite and totally anonymous, but I didn't. I quickly regretted it, but had faith that certain people would acknowledge that it's inappropriate for them to read my blog. I have no idea why I had that much faith in people, but I did and I was proven wrong.

You know who shouldn't be reading my blog:

Members of my family, with the exception of my cousin M, have no business reading this blog!

People I went to high school with who somehow found this blog and, while I haven't really spoken to them in over ten years, still find it necessary to check up on me.

Former friends who I may have at one time been close to, but who have barely bothered to acknowledge my existence for the past year.

Really, does it seem to you like those people should be reading this blog?

Over the past few months, I've wanted to write so many posts that I quickly realized I didn't want those people to see and so they were never written. This is my blog, my safe space. That is not fair!

I've considered staring a new blog and realize that at some point I'll probably cave and have to do that. What frustrates me most about that is probably having to figure out a new URL. I love that I was able to buy onelittlefish.com, it's the title of my blog, a title that's important to me, and it's short and easily remembered. I haven't thought of a URL name yet that I like and that is available so for now I continue to censor myself.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could just trust people....

Because Every Good Thought Helps

You all know how I feel about positive energy so please read this post from Brandy and send your good thoughts and prayers her way:

My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

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TODAY'S GIVING OPPORTUNITY

In honor of Brandy, today I'm going to ask you to give something other than money or time; I'm going to ask that you give your positive energy. Take a couple of moments out of your busy day and think good thoughts for Brandy's man, for people in your own life, for the soldiers overseas or for people in your community who are having troubles of there own. Just take some time to put good energy out there in the universe!

I Wanna Know, I Don't Wanna Know

NOTE: Let's just pretend that the topic of this post was inspired by someone I know in real life and not by something that's going on on General Hospital because it would be too embarrassing to admit publicly that GH can inspire deep thoughts in me.

I have zero tolerance for cheating. I've never cheated on anyone and I think I'd have a hard time forgiving someone who cheated on me, but, for this post, suspend reality and put yourself in a, "what if," frame of mind.

Here's the scenario; you are in a long term committed relationship with your boyfriend/fiance/husband (b/f/h). Your b/f/h is incredibly thoughtful, loving and kind and you have every intention of spending the rest of your life with him. One night though, you mess up. You mess up big.

One night you meet a mysterious stranger and you have a one night stand with him. It was a terribly stupid thing to do and perhaps you did it in an effort to self-sabotage or perhaps you can blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol*, but either way the deed was done. You feel horrible, probably worse than you've ever felt in your life, and swear that you will never cheat again.

Now, do you tell b/f/h? The stranger has long gone and you haven't told anyone else so there is no chance of your b/f/h finding out on his own. The only way for him to find out is from you. So, is the right thing to do to tell him because honesty is always the best policy and pray that he forgives you? Or, knowing that this will never happen again, do you keep the secret, though the guilt may eat you up inside, and assure that you will have a future with b/f/h?

I think that I would probably admit my indiscretion to my b/f/h because I couldn't handle the guilt, but is that the right thing to do? Would getting it off my chest to clear my own conscience be selfish since my b/f/h would know be in pain simply because I couldn't live with the guilt?

I'm not sure there is a right answer to this, but I'd love to hear what you think.


*Anyone who knows me in real life had better be exceedingly impressed that I've actually heard of that stupid Jamie Fox song.
Todays title comes from the background lyrics on Amy Hit the Atmosphere by Counting Crows.

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TODAY'S GIVING OPPORTUNITY

I'm sure that many of you have attended holiday parties and are looking forward to New Year's Eve festivities and are planning on wearing a special dress. I'm also sure that if many of us look in our closets will find a few dresses from holidays past that haven't been worn in a long time or old formal dresses, bridesmaids dresses, etc. So, what do we do with them? Donate them, of course. To find out where to donate your dresses click here.

You don't have formal dresses, but you have suits and business wear; great! Donate them to Dress For Success.